MOVIE REVIEW - The Men Who Stare At Goats

And I wanted to love this movie so much. I find myself constantly reminded that Hollywood’s political agenda is becoming more important than their quest for worthwhile art. (Sean Penn’s second Oscar anyone?) Although The Men Who Stare At Goats starts with a promising twenty minutes of humor it eventually spins out of control. What remains is a confused clump of shit that is never sure what to make light of.

Oh, I can praise the incredible cast, sure. McGregor, Clooney, the show stealing Jeff Bridges and Spacey all give praiseworthy performances. After all, these are men that could utter lines written by Mark Steven Johnson and still look great. But why waste such talent on this? They’re never inspiring. They never find conviction. They’re big, glamorous, bores!

As McGregor’s Bob Wilton follows the tree hugging, hippie taught, overacting, mentally deranged psychic warrior Lyn Cassady, (Clooney) we, the audience, get to laugh at the absurd idea of our government funding psychic forces. This should be funny in any time period. But whereas director Grant Heslov finds tragedy in disassembling the psychic military group in the 1960s, he considers its existence a crime in the new millennium.

I’m sorry? Did I miss something? The story was about a reporter following a crazy guy in the Middle East who claims he trained with Jedi. But when they find a newly reformed psychic military base, suddenly, we’re suppose to sympathize with these same, narcotic induced characters and hope they’re hippie ways will… Wait for it… Disassemble the same group updated for today. Why? Because the new group doesn’t connect with the hippie bullshit that the movie was mocking earlier? Or because this movie takes place during the Bush Administration and this is too good [easy] to pass up? Am I stepping on any toes?

Have you kept up with all of this? If not it’s okay. I expect my review to be as much of a mess as the film. Eventually, Clooney, McGregor and Bridges overthrow an entire base by spreading their beliefs of peace and love in the water supply. That’s right dogs and cats. The path to peace is apparently through LSD. Next, our “virtuous” heroes rescue captive Middle Easterners from the torture of Barney’s music on repeat. Never mind the probability that these men bombed and killed a fair amount of their own people. It’s humane and loving to let them go free! Well done. I’m so glad this flick appeals to my inner-pussy.

It amazes me how this movie went from mocking one thing and then using it to criticize another. It’s as if the film had no grasp on it’s issues what-so-ever. I’ve not seen such blatant hypocrisy since John Kerry’s political campaign. Uh oh! I brought politics in to this. How dare I? I’ll stop bringing it up if Heslov does, but maybe that’s giving him too much credit. In this case he simply threw some of cinema’s greatest actors in to a cesspool of incoherent political banter while developing them with the book of clichés. Clooney, McGregor, Spacey, Bridges—You can all part ways now.

*½ out of ****

Trailer of Interest - Avatar

Well, holy shit. That was pretty... Pretty? Whereas the last trailer felt like a preview to another shitty Halo game with FernGully in the mix, this one shows some hint of testicles. Even still I'm not totally blown away, but it makes some good points when it starts using Cameron's resume to sell itself. (Although why The Abyss was omitted from that list is beyond me.) I still don't think the effects are as brain exploding as they were hyped to be, but the sequences look hot and, after all, this is the man that gave us a wealth of genre classics. Overall the trailer is far more exciting than the previous clip show. (Yawn.) I'm crossing my fingers here James! You better effing deliver.

HYPE-O-METER Scale 1-10: 8

P.S. This has nothing to do with The Last Airbender. To all you dumbasses, including my own, dearest friends, who reply "Oh, the live action version of the Nickelodeon show?" when this movie is brought up: You have confirmed you're an idiot. Insert hand grenade in ass and pull pin. I'd suggest you grow up, but if you're twenty years of age and thinking about The Last Airbender that ship has sailed.

ANIME CORNER - Mobile Suit Gundam 00 - DVD Part 2

Oh Gundam 00, you damn tease! If you found Part 1’s cliffhanger as edgy as I did, you’ll be cursing the sky for Part 2’s.

Mobile Suit Gundam 00 is supposedly a reworking of Mobile Suit Gundam Wing. This is pretty clear in the beginning with four Earth-bound Gundams sent to eradicate war through militant means, but there’s been a lot of shit hitting the fan since Part 1’s balls out setup.

Part 2’s first story arch is highly character driven, giving the ridiculously named Allelujah Haptism his much-needed back-story. Despite his praise worthy name (Haha! Woo! Man, I kill myself.) Mr. Haptism ups his bamf-ery with an origin story that will undoubtedly affect him in future episodes. I welcome that monkey wrench for all subsequent 00 battles. (Or is it a gift in disguise?)

The next story arch focuses heavily on the fictional Middle Eastern country Azidistan. Of course Setsuna, and his crazy-as-shit combat sequences, are front and center in this arch. Here we dive deeper in to the pros and cons of the seemingly hypocritical idea behind the Gundam Meisters’ plan to eradicate war. Should the world carry on peace talks like a bunch of old bureaucratic, pansy jack-offs? Or should they intervene by blowing the hell out of every tank, plane and mobile suit loading ammo? If you're one of those hippies vomiting the pansy answer then let me rephrase the question. Which is more fun to watch?

Ultimately, the Azidistan saga give us the best of 00-- At least thusfar. Setsuna’s take on achieving peace, mixed with his personal convictions develop him in to a character that embodies every spectrum of worldly aggression: Religion, ethnicity, power, money and greed embalm a character so good I think he deserves some Azidistan Princess ass. Can we make that happen?

We also have the continuing idea that these Gundam’s embody some spiritual identity. Are they really weapons of death, or the angelic saviors of a world in need of peace? With all their limitless powers, the latter wouldn’t surprise me. Gundam Wing was often criticized for its overtly powerful Gundams and the rule that only main characters would survive against them. For the most part I don’t have a problem with highly powerful Gundams, but when Gundam Kyrios gets shot at point blank range I expect at least a dent. What’s the point of giving Exia a shield if it can block fire with its arms? We get it. They’re powerful. But it’s about time we learn why these GN drives make them so god-like.

Meanwhile, the supporting characters still don’t do a lot but advance the storyline so the Gundam’s have something to fight. Super soldier Soma Peries should be one of the more interesting sub-characters—But she’s not. Lets wrap her up and give her a funeral before we drag that out too much. Graham Aker, however, has proven to be the badass I predicted he’d be. I want to see him in a Gundam!

So Part 2 seems to flesh out more flaws in the series and ends with an unwelcomed, albeit surprising, addition of new characters. Admittedly, their arrival looks like it will shed light on many questions the series has yet to answer. I’m willing to ride out these odd additions just for that. Besides, no series is perfect. 00 is still as engaging as Part 1 and easily the best Gundam series I’ve seen in awhile.

*** out of ****

Trailer of Interest - Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

It's incredible to me how this looks hokey and awesome all in one. The trailer certainly makes no apology for what it looks like and I suppose as long as it embraces its absurdity it can be pretty fun. Or it could be Disney's Chronicles of Riddick. Anyone wondering when Disney's live action adventures will strike gold again, ala Curse of the Black Pearl? Dear Disney, Mouse Ears don't need to be visible in every movie you make. Love, me.

HYPE-O-METER Scale 1-10: 4

MOVIE REVIEW - Where the Wild Things Are

Yet another flick based on a short children’s book. For those fearing the same result as Jim Carrey in Grinch make-up, lower your shields. It may drag, but it never sags. Likewise, Spike Jonze may not be as great as his name, but I’ll give him credit on this one. Where the Wild Things Are managed to gently probe my heart, but I’m not exactly sure why. Frankly, that kind of bothers me.

Appropriately, Jonze’s Where the Wild Things Are is a case of “did it really happen or was it just the kid’s imagination?” It doesn’t really matter either way, what is important is that you walk away knowing little boys are f---ing insane. Coming from a long history of wild imagination and impulsive energy I can certainly appreciate the love for an “igloo” made out of snow or acting like some creature out of a Godzilla movie. Young guns are wild and creative and Jonze does the audience right by establishing the fun and trials that come with being a young boy whom values indoor forts.

Eventually Max runs away from our unimaginative and boring world and finds himself with a bunch of snot nosed monsters that look like Tim Burton’s take on Sesame Street. Though it turns out that finding a home with other wild things wasn’t the answer to his problems. Yes, young padawan Max finds that maturity can be alienating and a lack of it can hurt others. So why be wild if growing up is inevitable? To all the females in the room who’ve never pretended to be Optimus Prime in their back yard: Wild. Is. F--king. Better.

But Jonze shows restraint. He knows better than to end a coming of age story without age. Though I wished Max’s journey to the land of evil Jim Henson puppets could have worked out, his visit leaves the Wild Things in turmoil. So we see the impressive visuals of these giant stuffed animals go emo and allow Max’s reign to fall on them like boulders. (Or dirt balls rather…) Max’s revelation is the pain he’s caused, which is linked back to his mother whom he reunites with in the end.

I suppose you could classify Where the Wild Things Are as a kind of Peter Pan retelling. But without a Captain Hook the story is a little long-winded. How much does it really take to make post-infancy mindsets clash? With that in mind I feel like Wild Things would have made a better short film. I guess this is why the book wasn’t too long. I don’t mean to sound under appreciative of Jonze’s love for boyhood imagination, but a movie should be more than just straight-up nostalgia. It was a valiant effort nonetheless. So I’ll give it bonus points for that.

*** out of ****

MUSIC REVIEW - Atreyu - Congregation of the Damned

Fact: I’m not the world’s biggest Atreyu fan. Hell, I didn’t enjoy any of their stuff pre-Lead Sails and Paper Anchor and frankly I still don’t. Scream-o might appeal to the chaps in the crowd who don't fear strep throat, but I’ve never found much value in metalcore’s insistence on gargling lyrics. But like’em or hate’em, Atreyu is a band full of talented, loud, shredding and vengeful rock stars. It’s just a shame they haven’t whetted my appetite until their last, and pleasantly subdued album, Lead Sails and Paper Anchor.

So with their previous record being something of an expansive triumph, and perhaps their unsung masterpiece, (Yeah, I went there.) I won’t be able to help the comparisons between it and Congregation of the Damned. Sorry. And for the old school Atreyu fans, you might as well stop reading. You won’t find any praise for the appropriately named The Curse. Cry about it emo sluts.

Congregation of the Damned begins with a song reminiscent of their earlier material, but, surprisingly I wasn’t hemorrhaging while it played. Consistent screaming aside, it’s not a bad opener. After that, Atreyu returns to its Lead Sails sound with "Bleeding Is a Luxury," a song that carries the albums’ stronger lyrics, but owes Anberlin a thank you note for its opening. Or maybe Anberlin owes them a lawsuit? (“Feel Good Drag” anyone?)

Though Congregation doesn’t have any major hooks and sure-to-be-classics like Lead Sail’s “Doomsday” and “When Two Are One,” it offers some strong tunes that beg for some attention. “Gallows,” “Storm to Pass” and “Insatiable” make a passing effort for car ride scream-alongs. Meanwhile, “Coffin Nails” steals the baton of badassery from the would-be, should-be, wasn’t-to-be awesome title track.

The album's biggest failure is Atreyu’s struggle at affectionate songwriting. The attempt at an emotional finale, “Wait for You,” almost makes me want them to go all the way back to their metalcore roots. The last thing I want to hear before I die is another love song by Atreyu. Stick to lyrics reaming off the effects of Armageddon guys.

If you’re an Atreyu fan, new or old, give Congregation a world. It’ll be a hit or miss with most fans. If you’ve never heard a song by Atreyu before, move along. There’s nothing to see, hear or have sex with here. It’s fun enough to avoid being damned, but we can’t please everyone, can we? Lead Sails PwNz0Rz it. Sorry. Couldn’t help Atreyu-izing myself for a moment.

** out of ****

ANIME CORNER - Mobile Suit Gundam 00 - DVD Part 1

When you’re watching a Gundam series you better buck up for some heavy-handed, anti-war sing-along. It’s inevitable. Whenever a Gundam rears its samurai inspired head it tends to glare at current events in a battle for relevance. Mobile Suit Gundam 00, tends to be the heavier hitting of these shows. It sports the most obvious post-9/11 storyline yet, but it isn’t so downbeat to not remind us how cool giant robots are.

Bringing ethnicity, religion and moral obligations in to the forefront, 00 manages to drench its audience in enough back-story to send even your grandma to wikipedia. Thankfully if you just sit back and watch the show everything will be revealed. What’s the fictional country they keep mentioning you ask? Wait ten minutes and the three, sexy female characters will reveal all! (And my God, Feldt has enormous mammary glands for a thirteen year old! Apparently every girl in 2307 A.D. will be 38C by age ten.)

In all seriousness though, Gundam 00 has a fantastic hook. The series blasts off immediately with robot-kicking action and saves the explanation for episode two. But nothing is spoon-fed immediately. Every character is harboring some deep secret that leaves the audience wanting more. It’s like Lost, but it won’t take thirty seasons just to know what a character’s tattoo means.

The instant grab is, of course, main character Setsuna F. Seiei; a name so suave you want to whisper it during sex. This would-be Heero Yuy clone actually has more depth to him than a constant bid for suicide. His consistent distaste for God, brought on by his previous occupation as a brainwashed child soldier, is clashed with the angelic salvation of a Gundam. Years later he finds himself piloting a Gundam of his own and embodies the infatuation every boy has with these machines. It’s nice to know there’s finally a series where the kid is as obsessed with giant robots as we are.

The rest of the characters, Lockon Stratos, Allelujah Haptism and Tieria Erde, have equally interesting mysteries obscuring their past. Unfortunately very little is revealed in the first nine episodes. Instead we’re introduced to a plethora of supporting players that are good for the story, but not very interesting characters. (Except for Graham Aker. I can see him spinning into the realm of baddassery later on.) Lockon tends to be another favorite of mine. It’s nice to have a Gundam pilot whose age doesn’t begin with the number one. Meanwhile Tiera is a little too flamboyant for my tastes. I’ll wait until I know his backstory, but as of right now the guy is a dick. I mean pink shirts? Really?

But what about the Gundams, gun-dammit? Are they worth snapping together for your model kit collection? They are, in fact, sleek and cool, with some design aspects I’ve never seen before. The animation is also incredible—Guaranteed to make any mecha-phile explode their pants. They’re also pretty much invulnerable. I mean come on; you didn’t expect them to take on the world without getting God’s blessing of dent proof armor no matter what hits them. At least the GN-drive is a worthy and mysterious device for their superiority over enemy mobile suits—For now anyway. That could change when we know more about it.

When Part I ended with an aggravating and surprisingly edgy cliffhanger, I declared Gundam 00 as a positively epic and thoughtful addition to the Gundam series. And why the hell shouldn’t I? Every politically motivated episode is accented with some explosive surprise whether it comes from the characters’ mouths or the end of a beam rifle. U.C. Gundam fans will revile it, but if you’re a little more open minded about the Gundam series you might find it’ll rock your socks.

***½ out of ****

MOVIE REVIEW - Zombieland

Walking out of Zombieland was like receiving a Christmas gift you didn’t ask for, but enjoy anyway. “Why didn’t this movie fail?” Has been a constant question I’ve asked myself. After all, Zombieland is just a road trip movie that looks like it was written for Michael Cera in a genre so putrid that Shawn of the Dead is its greatest advocate. But I digress. Reason? If I didn’t respect Woody Harrelson beforehand, I do now.

In Zombieland Jesse Eisenberg puts on his best “I am Michael Cera” moves, a tactic I should criticize him for until the end of time. But I have to admit, I enjoyed his take on a nutless, teen recluse a lot more than Juno’s love interest. Speaking of love interests, if you are a male with any genitalia you should write a letter to Emma Stone asking her to look exactly as she does in this movie for all her future projects. In a movie with Woody Harrelson shooting zombies on a roller coaster I won’t ask for Oscar winning performances, but if a female lead is a must, Stone’s bad girl look is required. All aboard for Wichita.

Wichi-who? Wichita. That’s right. Every character calls themselves by their home town or destination-- A fittingly amusing move for characters that become very close. While Eisenberg’s Columbus and Wichita are fitting names in an oddly plain way, Harrelson steals the name Tallahassee. Yep, he’s as bombastic as his title suggests—A blistering mobile for lines like “Nut up or shut up!” and my new favorite derogatory: “Spitf--k.”

Even though the character chemistry is strong and the laughs run deeper than the many spoilers in the previews, the movie doesn’t really get good until the team reaches Bill Murray’s mansion. (You heard me.) From there the movie spirals into the absurdity you expect of a zombie comedy. Harrelson’s badass shows a soft side, Stone’s playgirl softens to our favorite nerd and Eisenberg learns to do something Cera never has: “Nut up.”

In a predictable turn of events that leads Columbus and Tallahassee on a rescue mission in a theme park, Zombieland delivers the goods in guns, guts and glory. Thank God this movie was rated R. I can’t imagine it skeeting over its 98% chance of failure otherwise. I truly applaud Zombieland for what it has overcome. Despite it’s revealing trailers and exhausted plot devices the film soars as one of the most entertaining flicks this year. Furthermore, I want more adventures with these characters. Bad idea? Maybe, but imagine what Zombieland would be like with some fresh ideas. To director Ruben Fleischer, I want more. Time to nut up and get crackin’ on that sequel.

*** out of ****

"Lost" Not All Will Be Answered - Movie Continuation?

Now I may just be blowing up a lot of smoke-- In fact, I know I'm blowing up a lot of smoke. This isn't something to blow out of proportion, but I can see it on the horizon.

This news begins with "Lost" producer Carlton Cuse's words about the series finale:

"Sometimes not knowing the whole story is more interesting and more fulfilling than knowing."

Cuse has stated we shouldn't expect every question answered by the series end. And while there is certainly some weight to Cuse's explanation of not knowing the whole story, (For example, I think we'd all be a lot happier if we didn't get the rather contrived Star Wars prequels-- What we discovered in the original trilogy was enough.)his explanation also feels like an excuse of some poor writing.

I suppose I'm finally accepting the fact that the writers had no idea where some of these plot lines were going and have no logical explanation for them. While it doesn't make me like the show any less, it does bring a lot of disappointment. The idea of only building up anticipation with no payoff was a very poor way to gain audiences and keep them tuned in.

But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. The final season has yet to air and it may turn out that the smaller questions aren't of much worth anyway. So what does this have to do with film and blowing up smoke?

Cuse also noted that season six is the end of the current Lost series as we know it, but somewhere down the line it may be utilized elsewhere. Reality check anyone? "Lost" is an enormous franchise, and very successful to boot. Although the final season will end the story of the characters we all know and love, why do I have a feeling "The Eyeland" could be visited again? And if it is, what form of media would it be? Comic book? TV spin-off? A movie? Ah! A movie! The idea of a "Lost" movie has been brought up numerous times, but, of course, nothing has come from it. Could Disney milk the franchise in to a big screen film? It certainly has that potential...

But, as of right now, I hope its left alone. And again, I'm just speculating. But it is interesting that there's been so many hints of a future beyond the series and so few of us thought about it. Disappointing in some ways, but... Well... Lets see how it all ends and then decide if a follow-up could be decent. No?

"Trek" Cover and Releases

Well it looks like the streak of bad cover art continues with all sorts of studios. And, per usual, the single disc DVD art looks far better than the two-disc DVD/Bluray art.

The one thing I do like about the bluray art is that it kind of fits in with the individual cases of the recent six-disc bluray box set. So for those who like the character's faces plastered on the front of each film-- I guess this isn't too terrible.

Otherwise, I recommend getting the Best Buy exclusive set with the Starfleet badges and domestic poster cover art.

Single Disc DVD:


3 Disc Bluray (same as 2 Disc DVD):



3 Disc Bluray Best Buy Edition:


Good thing I know the movie rocks. If I were to judge it by only the cover I probably wouldn't pick it up.

October 27th.