TRANSFORMERS! (Not Much More Than Meets The Eye)

At first, I was kind of excited about this movie. Two years ago when it was announced Spielberg would be producing the film, I was pretty excited. I thought, "What could go wrong?" Then I discovered Michael Bay would be directing. That could go wrong! While the recent trailer did impressed me with the special effects, I thought to myself, "Where are the Transformers?". The story sounds about as dumb as they come... It centers around a kid's first car which is, naturally, a Transformer. Of course! Great plot. The Transformers come from Cybertron to wage war on Earth and once they get there they disguise themselves as other forms...primarily cars, trucks, jets...etc... Now all of that is pretty standard with the Transformers mythos. However it seems like the Transformer characters themselves will have little to no personality in this movie. This means all our beloved characters from the Transformers universe will be nothing more than pretty special effects, that don't look anything like their respected character designs and we'll get about two hours of Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox's bad acting to carry the story.

Lets take a look here.


Here he is, the young, Autobot Bumblebee. If I saw a Beetle transform in to that I'd be saving up so fast for one!
First lets look at Bumblebee. A very well known and beloved character in the Transformers universe. Bumblebee transformers into a yellow Volkswagen Bug (Beetle). Hence his name, "Bumblebee".


Now here's Bumblebee for the new movie. He transforms into a Chevrolet Camero. Yeah! That makes sense!


Furthermore he looks like a baby sucking a pacifier. The staff thought it'd be a great way to capture that youthful look.


If you look at the lineup here all the transformers look like crap, almost unrecognizable in every way. Their head designs have no vivid features. You can tell where there eyes are, but that's about it! Mouth? Nose? Hell! Cheeks? Furthermore the attempt to make them look more streamlined and "updated" makes them look like they could hardly carry a battle. The thin pipes and metal that are holding everything together look like they'd break off under their own weight, how are they going to wage war?

Now this...

Now this picture...THIS shows some real robots. Guns in hand, ready to kickass, take bullets and laser fire, beatings that they could recover from and keep fighting till sundown. This is what they SHOULD look like. The REAL Transformers in all their glory.

Next we move on to Starscream. Take a look:


Starscream is one of the most popular characters from Transformers next to Megatron and Optimus. He's known for being "the one that transforms into the jet" and being very backstabbing. He constantly tries to betray Megatron and take his place, what he thinks as his "rightful" place, as leader. Pretty nice looking. Looks like he has a lot of character to him right?



Do you see Starscream? I don't either, but this model here portrays the design they're using for Starscream. Now because many reports have come in that the Transformers won't have much character or dialogue, I'm guessing the magnificent treachery of Starscream won't be seen in this movie. So naturally, why give Starcream the recognizable face that can emote? Just make him look like a bug and save the CG animators the trouble right?

But you haven't seen the biggest sin....


This is Megatron. Leader of the Decepticons. One of the most ruthless, popular, maniac villians of his time. His character was a leap of insanity that was far ahead of any 80s action cartoon at the time. He's suppose to look militaristic. He suppose to have a ginormous cannon strapped to his arm. He's suppose to look like a badass, strong, neo-nazi on steroids. So what do we get...


This creature is what is being called "Megatron" for the new movie. Do you see Megatron? I don't see Megatron? I see a bunch of pieces of metal smashed together to make some weird glob of crap, but I don't see Megatron anywhere. And what is with that face? Tyrannotron Rex? This is by far one of the worst designs for any franchise anything ever. Worse than even the American Godzilla. What is he suppose to transform in to? CUTCO cutlery? Hideous! An absolute smack in the face to all those transformers fans who are going to suffer through this. I can imagine how the designer got the idea for this. He was probably drunk, on his lunch break, playing with tin foil that wrapped up his sloppy joe and then suddenly...a revelation! And then....


Now to Optimus Prime. Here's the real one:


The only remotely redeeming design thusfar is Optimus Prime. Although the flames make him look like he's interested in robots of his gender, atleast it's recognizable as Optimus. You have the face mask, the red color, blue legs. I still hate the streamline look to it, but atleast a person can look at it and say, "Hey, that's Optimus Prime!"


It could've been worse, here's how his head originally looked...


The old design on the left, the new one on the right. The new one is a big improvment. He doesn't look so sleepy anymore.

On the up side the original voice actors for Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen) and Megatron (Frank Welker) will be reprising their roles in this movie. So atleast they'll sound like the real Transformers. But I'm wondering how much that's worth? Apparently Megatron doesn't have many lines, which is ridiculous considering the hatred between Optimus and Megatron has been known for initiating the most entertaining monologues. Guess we wont have a speech-off that is so well known between these characters.
I'm not looking forward to the "human drama" to carry the transformer characters. The simple fact Megan Fox is in this movie proves they really don't care to make something respectable. Shia LaBeouf was interviewed saying that he had signed on for three movies (God help us now...) and that it was his "Lord of the Rings". Yeah... He wishes... Maybe if he could act I'd be more inclined to give him some slack on that comment. But aside of the dumb story Bay has conjured in his little brain for this movie, the real insult are the Transformers. Not many lines. Designs so bad you can't tell what's a limb and whats a head. Unrecognizable characters that have been butchered to the point that they could be anyone. The list goes on.
This movie...I'll end up seeing it. I'll pay the money, I'll walk in and I'll see it. Atleast it has the original Transformers voice actors in it. I can give them that much. But my "Prime" reason will probably be just to slam it. I'm sure the effects will be cool and there will be plenty of money shots in it, but I'm not so looking forward to this sappy, "My first car is a transformer and I care about him deeply!" plot. There's plenty more wrong with this project that I have yet to mention, but right now this movie seems to be putting in giant robots and then slapping the name "Transformers" on it to market it. Speilberg says this movie is going to blow us away, probably because he knows its a bomb.